Proficient | Exemplar Essay
Using Exemplars in Your Lessons
Exemplar essays are tools to take abstract descriptions and make them more concrete for students.
One way to use them is to print the clean copies of the essays and allow students to use the rubric
to make notes or even find examples of important elements of an essay - thesis statements,
introductions, evidence, conclusions, transitions, etc. Teachers can also use exemplars to illustrate
what each score point within a trait ‘looks like’ in an authentic student essay. For additional ideas,
please see “25 Ways to Use Exemplar Essays” by visiting the Curriculum Resources page in Help.
Naps: Healthy or Not?
The Naps Debate
Claim and Focus
This essay introduces a clear claim in the
introduction (“Just taking short naps can
help your health, provide more energy for
your body, and increase your knowledge
and memory”). The essay mostly
maintains a focus on the purpose and task
throughout the entire essay and attempts
to refute the claim (“Although many claim
that naps are a waste of time”).
Support and Evidence
The writer demonstrates an
understanding of the topic and prompt
by providing sufficient evidence
to support the claim that naps are
good (“after a nap, people tend to be
more happier and more alert. They
do better work and avoid mistakes").
A counterclaim is present, but the
explanation could be extended to add
more details.
Organization
The writer organizes a steady argument
throughout the essay. Clear transitions
are present throughout (“To begin with”
and “In addition”), but could use more
to connect ideas throughout the essay
overall. The ideas within paragraphs are
directly related and do not stray off topic.
Language and Style
The essay could use more advanced
vocabulary to enhance the language.
Sentence structure begins to vary in
this essay, but many are still simplistic
in nature (“In order to live a happy and
healthy life, take naps” and “Because of
this”). A unique voice is present in this
essay, but could be expanded to show
more perspective.
